I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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