if i can run in heels then i can drive
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
