They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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