if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
