Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
