So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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