My nipple is on Facebook.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
