I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
