You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
