I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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