I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So vagazzling was a success
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
