Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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