Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
