Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
