Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
