Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
