Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
