I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
