You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
