It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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