You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
