guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
