Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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