We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What drink are we having for lunch?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
