He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
