Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
