I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
