I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
