The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
