in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
