I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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