I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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