so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
