Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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