We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Less talking, more tequila
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
