Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
