Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
