walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
