he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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