Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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