i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
