maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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