OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
