I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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