hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
