i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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