it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
