he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
