I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
