Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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