i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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