Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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