you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
