I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
