Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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