I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
