your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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