If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
