Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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