Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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